According to the television commercial, "depression hurts". And so it does.
One of the beauties of God is that He wants His children to not only be happy, but whole. He wants our relationships to be whole; not only with Him but also with one another. In Philippians 4:2, we read of two ladies in the Philippian church, Euodia and Synteche, whose relationship was not whole. Heck, it was broken. And the apostle Paul in writing to the church, pleaded with these women and the entire church to reconcile and restore the relationship.
And in this admonition, Paul is given a teaching moment: how to not only restore broken relationships, but also how to deal with anxiety and depression. In Part 1, we looked at the downward spiral of anxiety and depression. We used the acronym SADDDR: Strife or Situation, Anxiety, Depression, Disruption in human relationships, Disruption in our relationship with God, and Restoration.
Let's continue with Restoration and it's process. I believe if we firmly grasp Restoration, the process of spiralling down in depression can be reversed. Again, let's read Philippians 4:6-7 which provide the foundation for the restorative process, "Do not be anxious for anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
Using and following God's Word, we will hopefully understand how we can stop the downward spiral of anxiety and depression, and begin an upward spiral of restoration and healing. Not only will we be healed as individuals, but healing and restoration will begin in our personal, professional, and church relationships.
Before proceeding, we have to understand another truth brought out by Paul. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, he makes this statement, and it's very applicable to this entire discussion, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
All of us sin. All of us are tempted. Regardless of the fact of your being saved for decades. You (I) will be tempted to sin in some way against someone else, and therefore, God. Euodia and Synteche were tempted (we don't know exactly what), and they each succombed to the sin that brought about strife, anxiety, disagreement, a disruption in their relationship, a potential disruption of the relationship within the entire Philippian church, and most importantly a disruption in their personal relationships with God. Notice that Paul points out the struggle in the mind. The mind should be the place of God's intellect in our lives, but too often we (I) allow it to become the devil's playground instead. And when he plays there, he doesn't pick up after himself.
Thankfully, it is God Himself who provides the ways and means of escape from sin. Pride may have to be swallowed. Hard steps may have to be taken, but God has provided a way out.
Let's look at this restoration process. I have used it in my own life to combat anxiety and depression and begin the healing process with my interpersonal relationships. This is not a panacea; it's not a magic formula, but God wants us to be reconciled to one another for His Glory and honor. And in the end, we'll be able to rejoice!
First we need to restore our relationship with God. Although we are Christians, we (I) can disrupt our (my) relationship with Him. He is holy. I'm not. There are things that I have to do. Can I "stop sinning"? Frankly, that's impossible! But I can make changes to my life so that I will sin less.
In part 1 we talked briefly about GIGO; you know, garbage in, garbage out. What garbage have I put into my life, whether consciously or "unconsciously"? What am I watching on television? What am doing online? What "jokes" do I snicker at? What kind of music do listen to? What am I reading? How do I talk to people? The list goes on and on. That's a lot of garbage going into my heart and mind. As it accumulates, it eventually spills out; "out of the overflow [abundance] of the heart, the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34. My thoughts, words and deeds become calloused and hard. Rather than being potential "healing balms" these are various salts sprinkled on hurting wounds.
As I restore my relationship with God, I must redirect my life to His purposes, not mine. In order to rediscover His plans for my life, I have to know more about God. I have to commit my free time to Bible reading and study. I have to make the time to commune or be in prayer with God. If I care about my relationship with God - as with any significant relationship - I have to work at it. I may have to come to know God anew. it's not that I've lost my salvation, but because of my sinning, I - not God - have disrupted this most intimate of relationships. What can we further do to restore our relationship with God? Turn over to Paul's letter to the Colossians, right after Philippians.
Let's follow Paul's advice to good, Christian living. First we need to bring "order" to ourselves, Col 2:5; we are to be "orderly". When we are orderly, our faith in Christ is firm (that's a whole separate topic). Second, when we are orderly, we become "rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as [we] were taught and overflowing with thankfulness." Col 2:7.
After becoming orderly in our lives and rooted and built up in Christ, there are things that we need to get rid of. "You must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices." Col 3:8-9. That's what Euodia and Synteche would have to do... how much more you and me?
Finally after getting rid of stuff, we have to fill the void. Leaving it empty is not a good idea. The bad stuff will naturally come back. We have to refill ourselves with new and good stuff. Continuing in Colossians chapter three we read in verses 12 through 17:
"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
I don't know about you, but that's a pretty daunting "to do" list! Thankfully, God is loving and kind. He is patient. He provides whatever I may need to heal our relationship. In performing these tasks, I am "cleaning the inside of the cup." Matthew 23:25 and Luke 11:39.
God reminds me that as sinful and broken as I am, and more than I realize, He has loved me more than I can ever imagine.
As my relationship with God is restored, I can begin restoring my human relationships. God's hand may be heavy, but it is covered with the velvet glove of Grace.
I love being a grandfather. And being a grandparent means that we from time to time, have to go back to changing dirty diapers. Yup. Thought that had been put to rest a long time ago, but no. And so, that is with every human relationship. We deal with "poopy diapers". Poopy diapers must be lovingly removed and disposed of. Even though we may be "comfortable" in them - sorry for being graphic, but it's a great picture of the human condition - they stink.
Do I have broken or disrupted relationships? Yes, I do. I'm not proud of that fact, but it's true. God has called me to personally work on these relationships. And as I lean into God and His Word, He provides me with the verbal and emotional tools with which to begin the healing process. We use the tools and the examples that Paul provided to the Colossians that we just read. It takes work.
What I can tell you, from personal experience, is as I put into practice those "what to do's", I can gradually restore my human relationships.
As my human relationships improve and are restored, the Disagreements gradually turn into Agreements. Do we still "disagree" on certain aspects or issues. Yes. But we "agree to disagree" and the personal animosity or judgements are lessened.
My wife gets frustrated with me about certain things - like you should be surprised! My wife is a perfectionist and let's just say I'm not. That has caused many disagreements over the years. I have had to re-think how I do several of things in order to please her. I could stand my ground and be right, but what's the sense in going down the depression spiral again over how the toilet paper comes off the roll?
As I seek to please my wife, I agree with certain of her idiosyncracies. Barbara has also come to an agreement with certain of mine. It is good to be agreeable.
Do not take this as living like a doormat for someone else. We're not talking about important things (eternal things are important things). And yes, there are some parts of our thoughts and thinking and acts that are not negotiable: our relationship with God, proper dealings with substance abuse, coming to a common ground on how we discipline our kids; those types of issues or concerns.
Agreements or agreeing with others that you may be in conflict with can lead to acceptance.
Anxiety becomes Acceptance. Acceptance is a huge thing to understand. When it comes to understanding grace, acceptance is foundational. Acceptance can also be called humility. Do we have the humility to come forward, accept our part in the strife or situation, and ask forgiveness? Or do we want to be "right" for the sake of being right.
We are all sinners. We are all broken in some way, shape or form. Those of us who have accepted Jesus as our personal savior, we have Him as our mediator; a Mediator before the throne of God, and a Mediator between us, His children. As God reshapes me and renews my mind, I gradually get used to my "new" set of eyes. Eyes that see others as Jesus sees others.
Acceptance also means accepting me for being me. It's not that I've "lowered" myself to others levels, but I come to an acceptance and understanding that all of us stand equally before the Cross. He knows that I won't be "perfect" until He brings me home to heaven. If that's okay with God, that's okay with me.
Strife and situations become situations and opportunities to love. God loves you and me and all that He has created. He always wants the best for our happiness and His glory. These situations of love and grace, reach out to tell the unsaved and unbelieving world around us that there is something special about our Faith. There is something exciting about God's Love.
God wants us to act like His children; children of the King. We are to be attractive to the world around us. They should be banging at our our doors wanting what we have. We Christians know what true love is; the world doesn't. Here's what the Apostle John said in his later years,
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:16-20.
We love God. He loves us. We love one another. Love heals. Love protects. God's Love and Peace transcends all human understanding. Love, coupled with God's peace, guards our hearts and minds with the power of Christ.
Dear friends, as we close this lesson on Philippians 4:2-9, I ask you to seek God if there's some "cup cleaning" that has to be done. Seek out a trusted friend (preferably someone who won't necessarily agree with you) who will love you through this process. If you believe you need professional assistance, don't wait. Don't be ashamed. You're not alone. The help is out there and available. Your being is worth the time. God wants you whole.
Heavenly Father I pray for anyone who is in deep mental pain and anguish. I pray that you would draw near to them and begin the healing process. If there is strife between two of your children, may Your Spirit begin to work in their individual hearts to start the healing process and return them to a state of contentedness, relying on Your Grace. Father we have presented our requests with thanksgiving knowing that You truly hear us and know our needs. Guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus we pray. Amen.
All quotes are from the NIV, 1984, Zondervan Publishing.
Music Video: Jason Gray, "I Am New"
