A couple of things are still bothering me and I feel the need to try and wrap them up with this whole love discussion.
And so we have some unfinished business to attend to.
To say that love is "complicated" is an understatement whether in God's terms and economy or according to ours. Love may be "a many splendid thing" but as we have already talked about in the preceeding parts, love is composed of many parts or attributes or facets. Love is made up of ideas and emotions and perhaps most importantly, actions. Love just doesn't sit out there waiting for something to happen, it is a verb; love is active.
If you want to describe love, the best analogy I can think of is the wind. You can't see the wind itself, but you can feel it (whether it is warm or cold), it touches you. The wind also causes other things like leaves or sail boats to move. In other words, you can see and feel the effects of the wind. Love is similar in that you can't directly see it, but you can experience its effects on yourself and other people.
As we've looked at the attributes of love and tried to understand how it works for the purpose of answering the question "how can God be a God of love and allow such evil in the world?", we've been examining Jesus's parable of the Prodigals found in the Gospel according to Luke chapter fifteen. This is a great story of what love is supposed to look like and how we are to use it as a model for our own lives. Here it is again for you:
"Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
“‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:11-32 NIV
Definitions
Before going on, we've never spent the time to define what a "prodigal" is. I think all of us would agree that a prodigal is a person who goes out from their native family without regard for that family and after they have done a good job making a mess of that life, they return home with their tail between their legs. The word "prodigal" can be used as an adjective to describe someone or something "characterized by profuse or wasteful expenditure" or "recklessly spendthrift" according to Webster. Prodigal can also be a noun. Webster defines it this way: "one who spends or gives lavishly and foolishly" or "one who has returned after an absence".
Regardless of the use, the word "prodigal" isn't even in the parable! It's actually a 15th century Latin word. For that reason, many Bible translations use the words "lost son" in the title of the parable. But we're getting off on a rabbit trail.
So what's bugging me? What is causing my angst in this parable?
What's bugging me is that Jesus has left me hanging. And I think it may be purposeful.
After three relatively in-depth discussions on love, I thought we had this thing nailed down. In part one we looked at the differences of God's love and His way of loving versus our idea of love and how we humans love. In part two, we dove a little deeper and discovered the importance of freedom, freewill (used almost interchangeably) and forgiveness. Theses "F's" of love really lay down the foundation and better explains how God loves us and how He expects us to love one another. Part three (I thought that was the wrap up) brought us the three "S's" of love: sovereignty, surrender and submission. But we're still lacking something.
Lacking attributes of true love
When I use the word "we", I often mean ME. Looking at my own relationship with God and with other people, this one thing that is most disagreeable from this parable ends up being a little pebble in my shoe. The worst part about this (well, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic) parable is, there is no resolution between the two brothers. That's part of the "R" parts of love.
And that's what bugs me. The father in the parable is reconciled to both sons. The father (we can most likely assume) had always been reconciled to the older son; the so-called "good" son; the son who chose to stay home and not squander his wealth. The father was also reconciled (albeit anew) to the younger son; the prodigal younger son; the son who "was lost and is found". The vertical or parental loving relationship has been reconciled through repentance and is restored, but no where does Jesus speak of the reconciliation of the two brothers.
Now I'll grant you that it is indeed very important to be reconciled with our parents. After all, they gave us life and hopefully provided all that they should have out of pure love. Jesus's presenting this parable is of course referring to God the Father and our relationship toward Him, and that relationship is the most important one in the entire universe. God created us and desires to commune with us and we with Him - yes, we are to BE with the Father. But it doesn't end there.
As we are resolved to a right loving relationship with God, He also calls us to a right and reconciled loving relationship with one another. Let's return to the parable of the prodigal or let's just call it the "lost sons" - plural - parable and what I'll call the unresolved or unfinished ending or explanation that should be there.
Pure conjecture
In my opinion, the parable of the lost sons is an unfinished parable. There is reconciliation and restoration with the father, but the brothers are far from either "R". Why does Jesus leave us hanging and now pondering? Some of you are probably thinking, "Ron, why did you have to bring this up? Don't you know that you're not supposed to "add" to Scripture?" Yes, I do know, but God has also given me an inquiring mind. As I want to know God and His Word better, the Spirit works in my mind as I "work out my salvation"; with "fear and trembling" no less!
What I'm going to propose is pure conjecture on my part, but often times in the Bible we see or can detect an underlying current or sub-plot. I think this is one of those instances.
I'm currently reading a book by Bishop N. T. Wright titled "Scripture and the Authority of God: How to Read the Bible Today". In it, Bishop Wright posits the following: if we are reading and studying and applying God's Word, as we might read or watch a five act play and don't have the complete fifth act written out, could we, if called upon, come up on God's life stage and "act" our part in that fifth act based upon what we know in the prior four acts and the very ending of the fifth? That's what is driving this current thought of the unfinished parable: what about the brothers?
It seems that it's "easy" to be reconciled to God, but the reconciliation process between human beings is a whole different story. Maybe it's because we can physically see and interact with one another or that we can actually hear words between each other. I don't know, but my vertical (heaven to earth) relationship does appear to be a more simple process than any of my horizontal (human to human) relationships.
What about them? The brothers represent the horizontal relationships that each of us have: whether in our native families or our work relationships, classmates or how about our relationships with our Christian brothers and sisters.
This parable really begs the questions of the resolution of the filial relationship between the "good" son and the prodigal son. These are some of the questions that come to my mind that I now present to you: Will the father be able to bring the two boys together? How long will this reconciliation take? Who will make the first move toward reconciliation and restoration? How will other members of the family or the staff relate and respond to the two brothers? Will "sides" be taken up between the brother - loyalties, personalities, etc?
Cleaning up the mess
Like it or not, these are messy questions to deal with. After all, the father makes it look so easy!
Why do I bring this all up? Like (I presume) many of you, I don't have perfect relationships even within my own native family. Growing up, I was that first-born, older, stay-at-home, "good" son. I went to college, then stayed and worked in the family business. We endured thick and thin. My brother was just the opposite; some would call him a "typical" second child. Where I was the "good", never got in trouble, good-grade child. My brother on the other hand, let's just say... wasn't. It's not that he was a trouble-maker or was a target for law enforcement - not by any means - but he did give mom and dad a run for their money. We are just opposites. I'm good with words and ideas, Ken is good with tools, and fixing things that need fixing and is quite industrious.
In his early adult years, my brother chose not to work in the family business. It was a choice he made and that was fine. He eventually did join us and in the late 1980's we bought out mom and dad and became business partners. Unfortunately he and I had two different management styles, but more importantly or significantly, we had two vastly different visions for our company. In time, we separated and "divorced"...and it wasn't on the best of terms. On top of that, our father had died several years earlier. Dad was the "mediator" as well as "chairman" between us. With that stabilizing person gone, our family and filial relationship gradually disintegrated.
As time passed, my brother and I would carry on a strictly business relationship. We would provide one another with certain sales leads (although we're in the same industry, we serve different market segments). The bottom line is that there wasn't a whole lot of brotherly in the brotherly love. The real bottom line is that our mother has suffered through too many years of not seeing her boys together at holiday time or at extended family picnics. She hasn't watched all of her grandchildren play together. For years, mom has been praying unceasingly that God would restore the relationship between my brother and me.
They say that time heals a multitude of hurt. It probably does...either that or in our advancing years (how's that!?) we simply forget about certain situations. What I can tell you is that for my brother and me, time (God) is healing us. We've begun getting together for holidays such as Christmas and Easter. Our respective kids see one another on a fairly regular basis (that's been going on for quite some time as they were teenagers with cars). My brother and I wave to one another when we see each other on the road. We text one another. He sometimes asks for my advice and I ask him for his where he is the expert. I even invite him to church (one day he and his family will come) and he occasionally invites me out for a drink (yes, we are opposites).
Time has brought about several things in my life that I'm responsible for in my relationship with Ken. And I'm not tooting my own horn; we all need to do this. These are in no particular order.
First of all, I've let go of the "bad times" that we had and in letting go, I've truly forgotten most of them. Second, I look at and hopefully treat him as an equal; he may be my younger brother, but he's a fifty something year old man like me. He's not my little brother anymore. Third, I accept and love him for who he is; my brother and his lifestyle is not me or mine. The funny part with this is that as we've traversed adulthood, Ken and I both look more alike than ever before! Our daughters remind us of that fact regularly. Fourth, I've forgiven him and myself and have asked forgiveness for my sins against him. Fifth, I've come to understand that I have just as critical an attitude as he does; I'm just a bit more subtle about it. Sixth, I've come to understand that we are both responsible to help our mother whenever and as much as we can; taking care of our mother is not our respective wife's job - it's our job; we are the sons. Seventh, I think we are both coming to understand that we're the only brothers that we'll ever have. Yes, it's true that each of us have very close friends who, sort of unfortunately, are closer to us than we are to one another. Our mom enjoys being invited to some of these friends' homes, but she would much rather be in a place where both of her sons are.
There's probably a few more things, but I'll leave it there. There has been repentance of what we have done - as individuals and to each other. There is a reconciliation happening and with reconciliation, there is a restoration of the relationship.
Back to the parable
Returning to the parable of the lost son, I ask again: what about the brothers? What happened with them?
These are the facts that come straight out of this passage:
1. Younger son demands his share of the estate. He wants his cash... NOW!
2. Younger son gathers up all of his stuff and heads out on his excellent adventure.
3. Younger son squanders every last penny on the "good life".
4. Younger son ends up in squallor feeding someone else's pigs.
5. Younger son realizes his predicament and his sinful behavior and attitude toward his father.
6. Younger son heads home hoping to be at least given a slave's job in his father's household.
7. Father eagerly welcomes (and forgives) his younger son home and back into his position as "son" rather than servant.
8. Older son is incredulous that his younger brother has returned and questions his father's benevolence.
9. Father speaks with his older son and reminds him of the position that he has always had.
10. The parable ends with the father being reconciled to both younger and older son. The parental relationship is restored, yet the filial relationship is neither reconciled nor restored.
And we are left to wonder what would or could happen next.
I would like to propose the following series of events, because knowing God and His Word, through regular reading and study, He is all about reconciliation, restoration and relationships - and because God has created us in His image, He expects the same of us. As believers and followers of Jesus Christ we ought to be bestowing grace and mercy and love all around us and we should be doing it extravagantly, but with Godly wisdom and care. Here's what I would see happening between the two brothers:
The welcome home party would eventually come to an end. There would be this undercurrent of "wonder" amongst the party guests as the gossip would filter through the crowd. The younger brother would be on his side of the party and the older brother on the opposite side - or maybe he wouldn't have even gone in, refusing his father's appeals for forgiveness and family unity.
The work week would be begin with tension in the air (that's an understatement). The younger brother would be doing his best to fit back in with the staff and hired help. The older brother would be doing his best to avoid even looking at his brother. The father would be doing his best to encourage the younger son to persevere and lean in, while at the same time lovingly, yet firmly, encouraging the older to put the past behind him. That scenario would continue to repeat itself for days, weeks and mostly likely months. Notice that the only one talking to both sides to attempt reconciliation is the father. The younger son is too afraid to approach his older brother, and the older brother is too angry and unforgiving to even be in the same room with the younger. And the atmosphere? The air would be so thick with animosity that you would have to cut it with a chainsaw.
In reality, the two brothers had locked each other up in their own jail cells, neither desiring to let the other be free. Bitterness and resentment had firm roots. They were left bound, gagged and shackled to unforgiving memories. But it's the father who continues visiting the prisoners. It's the father who continues speaking and encouraging a dialogue of forgiveness and reconciliation. He modeled it before, and he will continue to do so no matter how much time it might take. More of us fathers need to be modeling that kind of love more often, regardless of what anyone else might say. Our children are always worth saving.
But then...
But then, time heals. Time and the deep love of a father for his children eventually brings healing. At some point, one of the two sons would reach the breaking point and say to himself, "I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this anymore. I have to make the first step towards reconciliation regardless of the cost." I would propose that that step is made by the younger brother. Why? Because the younger brother knows what forgiveness looks like. Jesus tells another brief parable about forgiveness and reconciliation earlier in Luke chapter seven when He is being annointed by a not so virtuous woman, which would have been quite the scandal at that time:
“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
"Simon [Jesus' host] replied, 'I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.'
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
"Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, 'Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” Luke 7:41-47.
The younger son understood the power of forgiveness that leads to reconciliation and restoration first hand. He had been forgiven much by the father and now sought the forgiveness of his older brother so that they too could be reconciled and restored to their filial relationship. The sins of the older son were less blatant and more recent; he didn't have a "history", but he did have a need to forgive and to be forgiven as well.
Why am I so sure about all this? Personal experience. You see, although I am the "mature" believer and know the Bible and thought about reaching out to my brother when our relationship was broken, it was Ken who actually showed up in my office one day and basically said, "enough, we're brothers". He was the one who broke the silence and the ice of our fractured relationship. He was the one who reached out to me. God taught me then how to humble myself and ask forgiveness.
Reconciliation begins with the Father of all - our Father God. He calls us to do the right thing just because it is the right thing to do. In this series about Love, we've talked about Mother Teresa of Calcutta, India and the work she and her order of nuns has done over the years with the sick and poor. Although these were of the least caste of people, she modeled what to do "anyway". Mother Teresa put it this way:
"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
"For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
And then God did it again this past Christmas 2013.
I invited my brother and his family to our home for Christmas Eve dinner. Our mom was there and it was just a really nice time of family with two of my children, my grandson (the center of dinner time entertainment - four year olds have that right and it's a grandfather's prerogative), Ken and his family and our mom, the family matriarch. We talked. We laughed. We ate and drank and reminisced about Christmases of long ago. It was a great time of family.
The apostle Paul who I presume was at one time fairly rough and sharp around the edges teaches us God's truth in his letter to the Ephesian church. How we speak to one another, how we think about one another, how we act toward one another speaks volumes about Who God is. The way we act and react toward one another - and even toward unbelievers - is a direct reflection of the power of God in our transformed lives. Jesus modeled how we are to love one another, ought we not do any less?
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:29-32.
One last thing about my brother Ken and me - and hopefully this is what eventually transpired between the prodigal brothers - this past Christmas Eve... like so many times that God orchestrates a surprise for our lives that we are to take notice of. The meal and the evening's festivities were dying down. My brother and his family were putting on their coats to leave and as I turned around, he stood there with his arms out and wide open to give me a hug and wish me a Merry Christmas. We hadn't hugged in maybe twenty years. I wasn't expecting that, but then again, that's what the best Christmas presents are all about: getting something you don't expect nor necessarily deserve.
We bring reconciliation and restoration to all of our relationships the same way that Jesus did. God, in any of His Persons, Father, Son or Holy Spirit, is never "closed-fisted" towards those He loves. He stands ready to receive us all back into the fold with grace, mercy and love. The Father welcomes all of us into His presence the same way, always bringing reconciliation and restoration to all who repent and in surrender and submission return to Him.
We also bring reconciliation and restoration to our relationships when we see the other person as they truly are: image bearers of God, reflecting His image, bearing His attributes. We also see them as members or part of God's creation and either member or potential members of God's eternal family. Viewing the other person through God's eyes put a whole different view of who a person is. They are a person created by God for His glory and honor, not mine. They are my brother or sister in Christ or at least potentially - if not, that's up to God and what He will bring to the relationship. Our responsiblity is simply to love as our Father in Heaven loved and continues to love us.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ is a message of love to all of creation. The Cross is a message of liberally given freedom and freewill. It is a message of the offering and receiving of liberating forgiveness. It is a constant reminder of how when we recognize the sovereignty of God and His will, and when we as His children surrender and submit to that overwhelming sovereignty we can experience via our repentance, our reconciliation to God and to one another. The Cross is what finally brings restoration of a fallen world and to a fallen people back to a gracious, merciful and loving Father.
How did Jesus bring reconciliation and restoration to His loved ones? Very simply, it's done as easily as my brother did it with me: He brought it with arms wide open...
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Music video: Matthew West, "Forgiveness"
